Love the One You#146;re With: A Lesson in Organizational Tolerance
Copyright 2001, Debbie Williams
Whether you are highly organized, a total messie, or somewhere in between, tolerating the organizing habits of those you live with is crucial to everyday living. There is nothing worse than being constantly reminded to pick up your dirty shirts off the bedroom floor by your wife, or to lighten by an oh-so-messy wife.
I#146;m sure none of you have ever tried to change the one you love (or at least won#146;t admit to it!), but take it from me#151;it just won#146;t work! Believe me, I#146;ve tried everything in my organizing bag of tricks to change the habits of my packrat husband, and nothing short of separate living quarters will come anywhere close to changing him. But that#146;s not such a bad thing to admit, and in fact when I finally DID stop trying to change his ways, accepting him for who he is, I found myself being much more calm and less stressed. After all, I did choose him, for better or worse, and those packrat tendencies are what make him such a great mechanic and all-around Mr. Fixit. So who am I to try to change his collecting habits?
I can recommend a few ways to live with a clutterbug, or avoid nagging from your significant other. His and Hers prep centers, Off-Limits Zones, and Compromised Areas are just the starting points for creating harmony in your home.
His Hers- If you have a spare bathroom in your home or apartment, consider setting up work areas separately, and just tidy up the one nearest the guestroom when you do have those infrequent guests. Many a marriage has been spared by using this simple technique, and I highly recommend it. Having an area all your own to spread, stack, or hide from view makes those morning rituals go all the more smoothly. If you don#146;t have the luxury of separate bathrooms , designate a drawer that is just for you and another that is just for him. Respect his need to have everything out in sight, and don#146;t expect him to share your need to tuck it away neatly into drawers. There is room for both organizing styles here.
Off Limits#151;If you live with a clutterbug, designate a room or area in your home that is totally off limits for cleaning, decluttering, and rearranging. This could be the attic, garage, basement, or home office. Maybe it#146;s just a corner of your bedroom that has been claimed by your messy spouse , but he does have the right to keep it the way he chooses. This no-man#146;s-land doesn#146;t come without a price, however#151;it not only avoids the spring cleaning brigade, but will gather dust and not garner the same routine respect as the other untidy parts of the house. Try to make your limits known to the self-proclaimed organizer in your home so that there are no misunderstandings. If you don#146;t mind occasional dusting and vacuuming around the piles, then say so. But if you don#146;t want any cleaning within a ten foot radius, then stake your claim now!
Compromised Areas- Many of us don#146;t have the luxury of having separate offices or private spaces in our homes, and since this is the real world, we need to relearn how to share. The rule that worked with your brother in third grade of not crossing over the invisible in your bedroom won#146;t go over too well with your wife! After all, it won#146;t really kill her to look at that towering stack of Consumer Reports in the corner of the living room, will it? And you can try not to throw all her toss pillows onto the floor each time you need to crash on the couch. A decent compromise might be for her to move those decorative (but impractical) pillows to her favorite chair or to another room of the house entirely. And maybe she can corral those magazines into a large wicker basket or copper kettle for storage. You#146;ll both be happier knowing that your property and your egos have been spared brutal attacks by the overly organized.
I could probably provide you with more tips to help you and create neutral territories in your own home, but I#146;m sure you#146;re already plotting ways to keep peace with the one you love. Feel free to get creative with your storage solutions and don#146;t hesitate to work together to bring harmony into your own love nest. Don#146;t worry#151;if you miss the clutter, you can always into your teenager#146;s room#151;you#146;ll feel right at home again.
Debbie Williams is an author, speaker and radio host who offers toolsand training to help you put your life in order. Learn more tips like these in her book, Common Sense Organizing (Champion Press Ltd, January 2005). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
